There are some days like today where I just thank god I’m not on reality television and there’s no one documenting all the stupid shit I say. Live in my memory of embarrassment but not on the Internet. Thank you.
My Bachelorette running commentary is so sporadic. Apologies to the 4 people reading this (hi mom)! Emily + 6 head to Prague this week. There will be kissing. Dudes starting to cry. Arie dated a producer. Get your “oh no he didn’t!” face ready ladies.
~~Show opens on a shot of Emily closing some windows. Sure hope that’s not a metaphor for her closing her heart to love (I really read into this show).
~~Uh oh, Tour Guide Barbie is on the prowl again this week. Put down the Frommer’s Emily!
~~Is “brief relationship” Bachelorette code for “banged once”??
~~Emily is being so passive-aggressive. Just ask him about it, good lord.
~~About 40% of the time, a “surprise” on this show = make-out fireworks.
~~I cannot tell you one interesting thing about this John. I don’t think Emily could either. Snorefest.
~~This date is in a dungeon. Foreshadowing at it’s finest.
~~Sean goes out searching for Emily on the streets of Prague. Clue, she’s the one with the lights and camera crew following her around.
~~“Doug is so nice” – meaning “Doug is creepy as shit but the producers made me keep him for one more week”
~~I can’t decide if dude limo cry is sadder than runny-mascara chick limo cry on the Bachelor. Ok, definitely dude limo cry. Get it together Dougie!
~~“Jef would be a great dad cause he’s a big kid himself” – not really a good feature for being a father.
~~OMG isn’t too early in their relationship for a therapy session? They are acting out their feelings through marionettes. Ok. fine, it’s adorable.
~~Jef: “I want to date you so hard and marry the fuck out of you.” - actually terribly romantic. God I love him.
~~“We’re in a library and we can still have fun, hahahahaha” –Emily and Jef
~~Ahhhh Chris, I can smell your desperation through the TV. Smellovision.
~~No surprise the guy with the terrible nickname got sent home. The most (un)dramatic rose ceremony ever.
~~Next week – Jef’s parents won’t meet Emily = super good call.
No energy for full running commentary on the Bachelorette this week. Most of the episode was spent making sure my kitten wasn’t chewing on a power cord somewhere, but HOLY HELL what was up with Emily’s horrific ponytail extension? Cringing the whole way through the rose ceremony.